Uncensored (They Suck So Bad) Pt.2

Caswell Massey Michelsen Bay Rum

Well, is this made out of clove? You can swear it! The opening left me perplexed for a few seconds as it smelled unpleasantly familiar but I couldn't exactly detect what it was about. Then a big clove started to materialize in front of me. Huge, brown and running towards me at 200mph speed...Clove is all I get, sorry! I quite like clove, but this interpreation is definitely crude and very (very) linear. If clove often brings to mind of dental offices, Massey's interpretation represents the whole dental treatment without anesthesia...Scary.

Rating: 3/10

Clinique Happy

Quite a total disaster! Hyper-Sweet citruses (expecially orange), green notes, woods. That's it. Simple and...cheap. A perfect fragrance for dutyfree shops in tiny little airports. Avoid.

Rating: 3/10

Linari Angelo Di Fiume

I've to resign to the fact that Linari's fragrances are anything but distinctive or original. With the exception of Acqua Santa and Fuoco Infernale which, IMO, are the stand outs of the line, the rest of the offering is made out of trite and derivative designer compositions sold at high-end niche prices. Angelo Di Fiume is Linar's take on gourmand and strikes as a cloying and banal vanille/caramel combo that smells like a puerile deodorant for 13 years old. The worst news is that it's by one of my favorite perfumers of the new school: Mr Buxton. 


Rating: 2/10

Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue Pour Homme

Luca Turin says: "Light Blue Pour Homme is like pleague and cholera at once". I'm not that caustic but this inoffensive and absolutely anonimous synthetic composition is surely far from evoking the mediterranean sex appeal represented in the original tv commercial. Boring and uninteresting.

Rating: 2/10

Versace Man Eau Fraiche

When I smell "Acqua Fresca" (italian for Eau Fraiche) I immediately start to think about Donatella's transgendered /mutated /botulinus-ized face. This image together with the smell of Eau Fraiche is killer. I never, ever liked Versace as a designer maison as it represents the apotheosis of the italian stereotype. Black unbuttoned silk shirts with gold crucifixes on tanned pumped chests. Come on, give us a break!

When it comes to "Eau Fraiche" there's nothing like San Pellegrino.

A few more words on the packaging that comes in a turquoise sort of lizard / crocodile skin box. Vulgar.

Rating: 2/10

Marc Jacobs Splash Cucumber

Inconsistent and inoffensive cologne. It smells like if you've dressed up your cucumber salad with a cheap and light floral perfume instead of olive oil and then  poured the salad bowl over your head.

Rating: 3/10


  1. Hello, alfarom!

    I've finally sniffed my way through the Linari sample set, and I have to say that my perceptions cohere entirely with yours. I was actually mildy shocked to learn that Mark Buxton was the perfumer for the two very run-of-the-mill florientals. In fact, every time I saw one of your reviews (at Fragrantica) I chuckled at how closely it reflected my own thoughts! (-;

    My final take on the house (most charitable possible view...) is that it is intended for people with squeamish physiology who want to wear designer frags but need higher quality ingredients. (-;

    I also agree with you about the two stand-outs of the line: Fuoco Infernale and Acqua Santa, although the latter seems to me to be something of a tweaked version of L de Lolita, so Maurice Roucel was double-dipping... (-;

  2. Hello Sher,

    glad to see you around. YES, Linari was a big disappointment, expecially considering that two of the perfumers involved are among my favorites (well, sort of). I also agree that while Acqua Santa is pretty decent, at the same time it really adds nothing new on the table. Not to talk about their bottles that look like a sort of Bvlgari Black turned somewhat Brown... :)

    LoL @ squeamish physiology!